3 - Blood is Thicker than Water

A Typical Filipino Family

By Peter Finch

For a typical Filipina lady, family comes first and this is something you have to instill in your system to better understand her and her culture. This factor could contribute to the success or failure of your relationship or marriage.

The family is considered as the basic unit of society in the Philippines and for a Filipina, faithfulness to her family take first priority. You may not believe that there are cases when a choice has to be made, the Filipina lady will choose her parents or family over you. (They have a saying you can get another husband but there's only one set of parents for her).

When the children are still small, the parents do all they can to meet hardships and sacrifice to give them a better future. Thus, when the children are all grown up and are working, they are committed to their parents and they have one desire, and that is to work and make the life of their parents easier. The children are hesitant to leave home even when they are married and have kids of their own.

Frequently they would build an extension wing to the original house and the grandmother is once again taking care of kids - this time her grand children. They eat meals together, or in cases where families cook separately, they still knock on each other's door and share their meals. Mealtimes, especially dinner is very rarely a formal setting. In fact, it s a pleasant get-together for the whole family as they swap stories about the day's events.

In a typical Filipino family, the women are brought up with the tradition that when they marry, their husbands will take care of them and they will stay as housewives and take care of the family and the children. Times are changing though as more women found independence and satisfaction in working and earning their own money.

Filipino families have high regard for integrity, dignity, honor. They show high respect for the their parents and the elderly. Children do not call their parents by their first names like western countries because for them, this shows lack of respect. Fathers are commonly called Daddy, Papa, Tatang, and Tatay while mothers are called Mommy, Mama, Nanang and Nanay.

Probably nine out of 10 Filipinos would not think of sending their aged parents or even grandparents to any institution to be cared for by strangers. You must know that you have more fingers in your hands than there are homes for the aged in the Philippines.

The moment you say the heavily loaded words "I do" in front of the judge or the priest, you must understand that you are not marrying only the "perfect Filipina bride" for you but you are taking a whole package for life. Do not be surprised that right after your wedding you have earned yourself 2,000 new relatives whom you do not know. Strange children will kiss your hand and call you uncle, while adults may shake your hand or pat your arm and welcome you into the family.

One final piece of advice: Do not ever promise marriage to a lady if you are not serious. Filipina ladies do not play around and if you abandon her after taking liberties with her, the family loyalty takes over. Consider yourself lucky if you can go home and your mother can still recognize you, not after brothers, parents, uncles, cousins, neighbors (and those 2,000 new relatives you were about to acquire) runs to your girlfriend's "rescue". Blood is thicker than water, after all.

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The article by Peter Finch is a great article for our readers to see how bonded a typical Filipino family is. It is true that Filipino parents take care of their children and make their lives easier. However when the children are all grown up, they are the ones who now take care of their parents. Ironic as it seems because in other cultures, when a parent's child is all grown-up, it's a must to move out from their parent's house and be independent. No exemptions. Another thing, Filipinos have high respect for the elderly. We use "po" and "opo" and we "bless" them. We love our parents so much and even if they get old most Filipinos wouldn't ever think to send their parents to a institution cared for by strangers. We enjoy each others company and family is a big part of our loves. Even if we have small homes, we have our grandparents, parents, families of our siblings, maids, dogs, cats, name it all. We Filipinos are such great people and that makes me proud to be one.

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